1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,402 [♪♪] 2 00:00:02,402 --> 00:00:04,771 - Depression is a serious cancer 3 00:00:04,771 --> 00:00:07,307 or, you know, a serious illness 4 00:00:07,307 --> 00:00:09,009 because people take their lives. 5 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:11,177 - We had no words. 6 00:00:11,177 --> 00:00:14,214 I couldn't have gone and told my parents I'm sad. 7 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:15,015 They wouldn't know what that meant. 8 00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:15,949 Well, just be happy. 9 00:00:15,949 --> 00:00:17,384 I didn't even know how to name it. 10 00:00:17,384 --> 00:00:18,084 And I was like, 11 00:00:18,084 --> 00:00:19,052 you have to accomplish things. 12 00:00:19,052 --> 00:00:19,786 You have to get things done. 13 00:00:19,786 --> 00:00:22,088 So I just powered through it. 14 00:00:22,088 --> 00:00:24,357 - I found my bottom, I hit my bottom 15 00:00:24,357 --> 00:00:26,493 and I was ready to leave this place. 16 00:00:26,493 --> 00:00:29,329 I felt like there was no way out 17 00:00:29,329 --> 00:00:30,196 and I was ready to go. 18 00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:31,331 I had it planned out. 19 00:00:31,331 --> 00:00:32,632 [♪♪] 20 00:00:32,632 --> 00:00:34,901 - Welcome to Chino y Chicano. 21 00:00:34,901 --> 00:00:36,603 I'm Enrique Cerna. 22 00:00:36,603 --> 00:00:40,040 Mental health touches nearly every family in America. 23 00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:43,977 More than 1 in 5 adults lives with a mental illness. 24 00:00:44,277 --> 00:00:46,713 1 in 5 has been diagnosed with depression 25 00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:49,115 at some point and nearly 1 in 3 26 00:00:49,115 --> 00:00:49,682 high school 27 00:00:49,682 --> 00:00:52,685 students report struggling with their mental health. 28 00:00:52,952 --> 00:00:55,355 Every 11 minutes, someone in America dies 29 00:00:55,355 --> 00:00:59,759 by suicide, and nearly 80% of those deaths are men. 30 00:01:00,660 --> 00:01:02,228 These aren't just statistics. 31 00:01:02,228 --> 00:01:03,763 They are our family members, 32 00:01:03,763 --> 00:01:06,766 our friends, neighbors and coworkers. 33 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,168 I'm not just interested 34 00:01:08,168 --> 00:01:10,136 in these numbers because I've lived 35 00:01:10,136 --> 00:01:12,005 a part of this story myself. 36 00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:13,573 I've battled depression, 37 00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:16,576 and I know how isolating it can feel. 38 00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:19,479 Two of my good friends were Roberta Romero, 39 00:01:19,479 --> 00:01:22,482 Executive Producer of King-5 News’ Facing Race, 40 00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:25,785 and Randy Eng., producer, photographer and editor 41 00:01:25,785 --> 00:01:27,353 at the Seattle Channel. 42 00:01:27,353 --> 00:01:30,356 also know that feeling because they've lived it. 43 00:01:30,523 --> 00:01:34,027 We talked recently about our mental health struggles. 44 00:01:34,027 --> 00:01:37,230 [♪♪] 45 00:01:37,230 --> 00:01:39,766 Roberto Romero and Randy Eng. 46 00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:41,701 Thanks so much for taking the time 47 00:01:41,701 --> 00:01:45,472 to talk to me and to talk about something that I think 48 00:01:45,472 --> 00:01:48,708 all three of us have, dealt with at some time. 49 00:01:49,175 --> 00:01:52,479 Unfortunately, I've been dealing with it lately. 50 00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:56,049 Over the past month, I've had a depressive 51 00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:59,052 episode and struggled quite a bit. 52 00:01:59,986 --> 00:02:02,956 So I actually was diagnosed 53 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:07,293 with depression when I was 34 years old, but 54 00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:10,830 I'm pretty sure I probably had depressive episodes 55 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:15,535 when I was, in high school and definitely in college. 56 00:02:15,869 --> 00:02:18,705 And, but it was when I was 34 that 57 00:02:18,705 --> 00:02:23,009 I really hit the wall and, just really had a breakdown. 58 00:02:23,343 --> 00:02:26,846 And the toughest part of that for me was the, 59 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:30,150 I got caught up in the stigma about it all, 60 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:33,286 and I didn't want anybody to know. 61 00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:35,588 And I was really struggling. 62 00:02:35,588 --> 00:02:39,025 And, at work, I remember 63 00:02:39,526 --> 00:02:41,995 sometimes, a couple of my supervisors 64 00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:44,097 being saying to me, what's your problem? 65 00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:44,697 You know, like, 66 00:02:44,697 --> 00:02:45,999 why you just seem like 67 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:48,434 you're down all the time and you're got no energy. 68 00:02:48,434 --> 00:02:49,669 And how come, 69 00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:50,670 you know, I was doing my work, 70 00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:52,071 but it was like, you know, you could tell 71 00:02:52,071 --> 00:02:53,573 I kind of wasn't always there. 72 00:02:53,573 --> 00:02:54,807 And I was afraid to tell them. 73 00:02:54,807 --> 00:02:56,342 I was really afraid to tell them. 74 00:02:57,777 --> 00:02:58,845 How about you guys? 75 00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:01,848 How did this hit your life? 76 00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:04,851 Bert... you can start. 77 00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:08,087 - I think, first of all, I had no idea how to name it. 78 00:03:08,087 --> 00:03:10,657 You know, there were only two feelings 79 00:03:10,657 --> 00:03:11,958 that I thought of, like. 80 00:03:11,958 --> 00:03:14,861 And one of them was to be happy at all costs. 81 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:15,929 So I'm always looking for happy. 82 00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:17,230 If you're not happy, what's wrong with you? 83 00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:19,332 Why aren't you happy? What's going on? 84 00:03:19,332 --> 00:03:21,267 So faking and pretending I'm happy. 85 00:03:21,267 --> 00:03:24,437 And then anger was like no different. 86 00:03:24,671 --> 00:03:25,939 Those are the only two emotions 87 00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:28,007 that I knew how to recognize. 88 00:03:28,007 --> 00:03:31,678 And when I think about depression, you know, 89 00:03:32,011 --> 00:03:35,181 and the shame of it, I think about culturally, 90 00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:38,218 to, to go to someone and say, 91 00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:38,585 even at 92 00:03:38,585 --> 00:03:40,253 the age of 34 to say, hey, 93 00:03:40,253 --> 00:03:42,422 I have some mental health issues. 94 00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:44,591 We had no words. 95 00:03:44,591 --> 00:03:46,893 I couldn't have gone and told my parents. 96 00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:48,428 I'm sad they wouldn't know what that meant. 97 00:03:48,428 --> 00:03:49,362 Well, just be happy. 98 00:03:49,362 --> 00:03:51,497 I didn't even know how to name it and I was a woman. 99 00:03:51,497 --> 00:03:52,298 Like, you have to accomplish 100 00:03:52,298 --> 00:03:53,199 things, you have to get things done. 101 00:03:53,199 --> 00:03:56,102 So I. You just power through it. Yeah. 102 00:03:56,102 --> 00:03:57,170 White knuckling, 103 00:03:58,204 --> 00:03:59,372 It's exhausting. 104 00:03:59,372 --> 00:04:00,106 - Yeah. 105 00:04:00,106 --> 00:04:03,009 Randy? 106 00:04:03,009 --> 00:04:04,110 - You know, 107 00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:07,113 at least Bert got to name it. 108 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:10,650 In my culture, the way I was raised, 109 00:04:10,717 --> 00:04:13,720 if you had any problem, 110 00:04:13,853 --> 00:04:14,821 just keep it to yourself. 111 00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:17,490 Don't be a burden to anyone else. 112 00:04:17,490 --> 00:04:20,727 Don't make your problems somebody else's problem. 113 00:04:20,727 --> 00:04:22,262 If you've got a problem, figure it out for yourself. 114 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:25,999 So I pretty much had to suck it in my 115 00:04:26,165 --> 00:04:26,933 entire life, 116 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:27,734 you know, it's just like, 117 00:04:27,734 --> 00:04:30,570 oh, I'm sad and okay, and I'm 118 00:04:30,570 --> 00:04:31,471 not going to burden me when 119 00:04:31,471 --> 00:04:32,639 I'm just going to keep going 120 00:04:32,639 --> 00:04:35,642 and I can keep it to myself and it'll go away. 121 00:04:35,742 --> 00:04:37,644 The truth is, it never goes away, right? 122 00:04:37,644 --> 00:04:39,379 It just stays with you, just goes deeper and 123 00:04:39,379 --> 00:04:41,748 deeper builds, builds, builds, you know? 124 00:04:41,748 --> 00:04:43,082 But I mean, for my parents. 125 00:04:44,217 --> 00:04:45,151 And I don't blame my parents... 126 00:04:45,151 --> 00:04:45,585 How about this? 127 00:04:45,585 --> 00:04:48,354 I blame my grandparents because they gave my parents 128 00:04:48,354 --> 00:04:51,357 the toolbox for what they used for me. 129 00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,926 I was given no tools to cope. 130 00:04:53,926 --> 00:04:56,929 I was given no tools to, 131 00:04:57,397 --> 00:05:00,033 you know, just knew what problem, you know? 132 00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:03,436 And it took me a long time to stop blaming my parents. 133 00:05:03,903 --> 00:05:05,505 But at the same time, 134 00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:08,141 you know, I wanted so much more 135 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,009 from them than they ever gave. 136 00:05:10,009 --> 00:05:13,012 - Yeah, I think my parents. 137 00:05:13,212 --> 00:05:16,215 Well, actually, I was 28. 138 00:05:16,349 --> 00:05:18,351 I think it was when my mother died suddenly. 139 00:05:18,351 --> 00:05:19,686 28, 29. 140 00:05:19,686 --> 00:05:23,156 And that hit me like a ton of bricks 141 00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:25,091 because I was very I was a mama's boy. 142 00:05:25,091 --> 00:05:28,094 I was the youngest in the family, 143 00:05:28,127 --> 00:05:31,130 and my mother was 144 00:05:31,264 --> 00:05:35,101 very much in our lives as far as checking on us 145 00:05:35,101 --> 00:05:35,702 all the time. 146 00:05:35,702 --> 00:05:38,671 And, she died suddenly, and it just was it 147 00:05:38,738 --> 00:05:41,040 hit me just hard. 148 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:44,677 And I made a mistake at that time 149 00:05:45,211 --> 00:05:48,848 because I went to my primary care physician 150 00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:49,682 and he said, well, you know, 151 00:05:49,682 --> 00:05:50,883 I think you might be dealing 152 00:05:50,883 --> 00:05:52,051 with a little bit of depression. 153 00:05:52,051 --> 00:05:54,887 I want you to see this psychiatrist. 154 00:05:54,887 --> 00:06:00,193 And I was afraid and embarrassed. 155 00:06:00,660 --> 00:06:04,530 But culturally, we still have these issues of, 156 00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,768 you know, breaking down barriers within our own 157 00:06:08,768 --> 00:06:11,771 families and communities about this and, 158 00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:13,873 that that's that's tough. 159 00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:17,110 I know that among Latinos, I think at all cultures, 160 00:06:17,410 --> 00:06:20,880 there's still that sense of like, a sense of weakness. 161 00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:24,283 And and that is a huge challenge. 162 00:06:24,283 --> 00:06:27,120 And I think people have to realize that 163 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:30,156 depression is a serious cancer or, 164 00:06:30,156 --> 00:06:32,024 you know, a serious illness 165 00:06:32,024 --> 00:06:33,993 because people take their lives. 166 00:06:33,993 --> 00:06:35,461 You know, I have good friends 167 00:06:35,461 --> 00:06:36,662 that have committed suicide, 168 00:06:36,662 --> 00:06:39,465 that I didn't even know they had an issue. 169 00:06:39,465 --> 00:06:42,535 You know, that it's just like they 170 00:06:42,535 --> 00:06:44,670 you see them one day and they seem fine. 171 00:06:44,670 --> 00:06:45,972 Then you get a call from somebody 172 00:06:45,972 --> 00:06:47,974 that said they took their life. 173 00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:50,977 And boy, 174 00:06:51,010 --> 00:06:52,612 now I've been 175 00:06:52,612 --> 00:06:55,281 at that point of where I seriously thought about it. 176 00:06:57,250 --> 00:07:01,320 But I guess I'm just too chicken, fortunately. 177 00:07:01,621 --> 00:07:03,523 But I did think about it. 178 00:07:03,523 --> 00:07:05,725 I did think about it because I just was like 179 00:07:05,725 --> 00:07:08,728 at the point of like, man, I am just rock bottom here. 180 00:07:08,995 --> 00:07:11,397 And, in fact, I had a conversation 181 00:07:11,397 --> 00:07:12,632 last night with a friend of mine 182 00:07:12,632 --> 00:07:16,135 just calling to check on me and, yeah. 183 00:07:16,135 --> 00:07:18,070 And I called and told him I left 184 00:07:18,070 --> 00:07:19,806 a message this morning just telling him 185 00:07:19,806 --> 00:07:23,476 how much I appreciated that he checked in on me, 186 00:07:23,609 --> 00:07:25,945 which I think is a very, very important thing, 187 00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:27,613 because I want to point out that this guy 188 00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:30,650 Randy, in his check down on me a lot. 189 00:07:31,651 --> 00:07:34,387 And it gets I had some real issues 190 00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:37,390 over the past year, year and a half. And, 191 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,426 you know, just that, 192 00:07:40,426 --> 00:07:43,095 you know, Randy, I appreciate that so much 193 00:07:43,095 --> 00:07:44,430 that you've been there for me. 194 00:07:44,430 --> 00:07:45,865 So, yeah. 195 00:07:45,865 --> 00:07:47,366 - I’ll add in my story. 196 00:07:47,366 --> 00:07:50,036 So I, you know, it's been about ten years. 197 00:07:51,704 --> 00:07:53,105 I found my bottom, I hit my 198 00:07:53,105 --> 00:07:56,108 bottom, and I was ready to leave this place. 199 00:07:56,108 --> 00:07:58,945 I felt like there was no way out. 200 00:07:58,945 --> 00:08:01,681 And that was why I didn't go. I had it planned out, 201 00:08:01,681 --> 00:08:04,684 and I gave myself one phone call. 202 00:08:07,286 --> 00:08:10,523 Thinking that she would never pick up the phone. 203 00:08:11,023 --> 00:08:14,026 But she did. 204 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:15,194 And Roberta 205 00:08:15,194 --> 00:08:18,231 talked me down for the next three hours. 206 00:08:18,531 --> 00:08:22,835 And, but I was ready to leave, you know, it was, 207 00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:27,273 I was in a very, very, very dark place, and, 208 00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:31,077 you know, 209 00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:33,913 I'll remember later, Roberta’s husband 210 00:08:33,913 --> 00:08:37,550 Frank, said, you know, you're calling Bert... 211 00:08:37,950 --> 00:08:40,953 that means you didn't want to die. 212 00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:45,858 Yeah. 213 00:08:46,058 --> 00:08:46,993 You know, it's you... 214 00:08:48,628 --> 00:08:48,995 the world 215 00:08:48,995 --> 00:08:50,930 has never met Roberta, but, 216 00:08:50,930 --> 00:08:51,497 she was 217 00:08:51,497 --> 00:08:54,867 such a bright light, and and she kept on reminding me 218 00:08:55,334 --> 00:08:57,637 about your kids, you know? What about your family? 219 00:08:57,637 --> 00:08:58,771 Very people who knew you. 220 00:08:58,771 --> 00:09:00,273 You know, and sometimes you need to hear that 221 00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:02,275 when you when you're 222 00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:05,311 spiraling, you don't realize that, you know, 223 00:09:05,645 --> 00:09:09,682 you were truly thinking about taking your own life. 224 00:09:09,682 --> 00:09:12,318 It's a very selfish act, and it really hurt 225 00:09:12,318 --> 00:09:14,253 the people who are left behind. 226 00:09:14,253 --> 00:09:15,688 And you know, 227 00:09:15,688 --> 00:09:18,190 when you don't have that support group, 228 00:09:18,190 --> 00:09:19,692 when you don't have people around you 229 00:09:19,692 --> 00:09:22,695 reminding you how important you are it’s so easy to 230 00:09:22,962 --> 00:09:24,564 to spiral, you know. 231 00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:28,301 And now I am so very grateful for Roberta 232 00:09:28,334 --> 00:09:29,435 because I wouldn’t be here 233 00:09:29,435 --> 00:09:32,071 if she didn't answer the phone, you know. 234 00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:32,838 And she is... 235 00:09:32,838 --> 00:09:35,408 and has been a very special friend for me. 236 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:36,676 And so, 237 00:09:36,676 --> 00:09:38,210 you know, I'm kind of passing the torch 238 00:09:38,210 --> 00:09:38,945 Enrique, you know, 239 00:09:38,945 --> 00:09:41,948 I mean, I feel like the Roberta 240 00:09:41,981 --> 00:09:44,417 gave me some more tools, you know, to help 241 00:09:46,218 --> 00:09:49,155 poeople who I can see who are struggling. 242 00:09:49,155 --> 00:09:50,823 I think it's, 243 00:09:50,823 --> 00:09:52,925 Yeah, it's important for us to step up 244 00:09:52,925 --> 00:09:54,694 and not just pretend like, 245 00:09:54,694 --> 00:09:56,028 oh, they're playing there, you know? 246 00:09:56,028 --> 00:09:57,630 And there are very subtle cues 247 00:09:57,630 --> 00:10:00,232 that that we can all see. Yeah. 248 00:10:00,232 --> 00:10:01,934 We have a chance to make a difference 249 00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:04,270 if we choose to step forward. 250 00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:04,737 - Yeah. 251 00:10:04,737 --> 00:10:08,841 I when you called that one time and I just, 252 00:10:08,874 --> 00:10:11,911 I was really bad... boy.... 253 00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:23,389 I don't know how long we talked, but 254 00:10:23,389 --> 00:10:26,392 but by the end of it, you had me laughing. So, 255 00:10:29,428 --> 00:10:32,431 But it made a huge difference. 256 00:10:33,599 --> 00:10:35,434 - You are very necessary. 257 00:10:35,434 --> 00:10:38,437 You are good man, and a good friend... 258 00:10:40,673 --> 00:10:42,141 - It's tough because you 259 00:10:42,141 --> 00:10:45,144 when you're dealing with this stuff, 260 00:10:45,878 --> 00:10:47,580 you don't feel that, 261 00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:50,483 you know, that's the hardest thing. 262 00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,018 So. Yeah. 263 00:10:52,018 --> 00:10:55,621 So when Randy called you tell me about that 264 00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:59,659 is I gather myself here. 265 00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:01,861 - I think, first of all, I really think 266 00:11:01,861 --> 00:11:04,864 it's important for me to acknowledge is 267 00:11:04,864 --> 00:11:06,332 I am deeply grateful 268 00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:09,335 for the both of you for sharing this story. 269 00:11:09,602 --> 00:11:11,537 I think one of the things for me 270 00:11:11,537 --> 00:11:14,540 that is lacking or the disconnect 271 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:17,643 is intimacy and vulnerability, 272 00:11:17,777 --> 00:11:20,813 and those are words that I, I you would never know 273 00:11:20,813 --> 00:11:23,315 who I was. I had a very thick mask. 274 00:11:23,315 --> 00:11:26,686 I did not want to know my how vulnerable I was, 275 00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:29,221 and I certainly didn't want to be intimate 276 00:11:29,221 --> 00:11:30,456 that that the connection 277 00:11:30,456 --> 00:11:32,291 that scared me for some reason. 278 00:11:32,291 --> 00:11:33,292 You know, I don't know why. 279 00:11:33,292 --> 00:11:34,427 Because then you'd see the real me 280 00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:35,327 and you wouldn't like me. 281 00:11:35,327 --> 00:11:38,030 You know, if there's just a lot of stuff around it. 282 00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:42,168 So when you two men, men of color 283 00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:45,871 are willing to share these intimate moments, 284 00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:48,541 that's what changes the world. 285 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:51,844 That's why our kids or the next generation, 286 00:11:52,445 --> 00:11:53,612 they'll be going back, 287 00:11:53,612 --> 00:11:55,481 Randy, getting back to your grandparents. 288 00:11:55,481 --> 00:11:57,616 They won't blame you, grandpa, if you ever become one 289 00:11:58,818 --> 00:11:59,785 because you broke the cycle. 290 00:11:59,785 --> 00:12:01,687 Both you and Enrique broke the cycle. 291 00:12:01,687 --> 00:12:03,089 That's the key. 292 00:12:03,089 --> 00:12:04,623 And it is about talking about it. 293 00:12:04,623 --> 00:12:05,491 There's that saying could. 294 00:12:05,491 --> 00:12:07,660 Because my postpartum depression, 295 00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:10,663 led me to alcoholism, which led me to recovery. 296 00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:12,264 But you're as sick as your secrets, 297 00:12:12,264 --> 00:12:14,133 and we keep the stuff so buried in. 298 00:12:14,133 --> 00:12:15,334 So it's the connection. 299 00:12:15,334 --> 00:12:18,904 Connection is the key to recovery. 300 00:12:19,338 --> 00:12:20,740 And that phone call. 301 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:23,409 The phone call. And, 302 00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:26,412 you know, when Randy called me, 303 00:12:27,046 --> 00:12:28,981 and again, you know 304 00:12:28,981 --> 00:12:31,984 exactly what you said, Enrique... 305 00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:33,786 What? You're sad. 306 00:12:33,786 --> 00:12:35,121 Yeah, I mean, I am. 307 00:12:35,121 --> 00:12:36,622 I consider Randy a brother. 308 00:12:36,622 --> 00:12:37,790 We are connected in a way 309 00:12:37,790 --> 00:12:39,792 that I don't even know how to explain. 310 00:12:39,792 --> 00:12:40,526 Even though we weren't right. 311 00:12:40,526 --> 00:12:42,027 We're raised in different households. 312 00:12:42,027 --> 00:12:44,663 He is my brother by choice, 313 00:12:44,663 --> 00:12:47,633 and I thought I knew him inside and out, you know. 314 00:12:47,633 --> 00:12:49,201 And so when he called me and told me this, 315 00:12:49,201 --> 00:12:50,836 it stunned me. 316 00:12:52,204 --> 00:12:53,973 You? What? 317 00:12:53,973 --> 00:12:56,342 Because we keep it so tightly wound down. 318 00:12:56,342 --> 00:12:59,945 So, you know, I've learned how, you know, 319 00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:00,846 and I think we all should learn 320 00:13:00,846 --> 00:13:03,849 the language around this, because I used to think 321 00:13:03,849 --> 00:13:06,919 if you thought someone was thinking about suicide, 322 00:13:07,353 --> 00:13:08,621 don't bring it up, because then you'll 323 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,389 put the idea in their head. 324 00:13:10,389 --> 00:13:11,357 Guess what? 325 00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:13,859 The idea is already in their head, right? 326 00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:14,960 You ask them about it 327 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,062 because then it cracks it open. 328 00:13:17,062 --> 00:13:19,431 So when Randy called and he told me this, 329 00:13:19,431 --> 00:13:21,333 I don't remember much of the conversation 330 00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:23,102 other than you're so precious, 331 00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:25,104 you're so important. 332 00:13:25,104 --> 00:13:26,038 Please know that. 333 00:13:26,038 --> 00:13:29,041 Let me love you until you can love yourself. 334 00:13:29,041 --> 00:13:31,710 Because I love you, man, I love you. 335 00:13:31,710 --> 00:13:33,646 I need you, you know? 336 00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:34,980 And sometimes you just need to hear that. 337 00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:36,315 Like, you don't want to put the burden of, like, 338 00:13:36,315 --> 00:13:38,050 you have to live because of me, 339 00:13:38,050 --> 00:13:40,219 but I need you. 340 00:13:40,219 --> 00:13:42,221 I need you my life. 341 00:13:42,221 --> 00:13:43,222 Your children need you. 342 00:13:43,222 --> 00:13:44,890 Your family needs you. We need you. 343 00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:47,293 This community needs you, Enrique. 344 00:13:47,293 --> 00:13:48,060 Think about all of that. 345 00:13:48,060 --> 00:13:49,995 You've contributed. Yes, your family 346 00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:51,864 and your children. But I think of the.... 347 00:13:51,864 --> 00:13:53,632 You have moved the needle 348 00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:55,634 for people of color. 349 00:13:55,634 --> 00:13:56,402 When we... 350 00:13:56,402 --> 00:13:57,303 When the murder of George 351 00:13:57,303 --> 00:13:59,605 Floyd happened and there were no podcast 352 00:13:59,605 --> 00:14:02,608 like this, there was nobody talking about this. 353 00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:06,011 What if we didn't have you? 354 00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:07,079 You know, I mean, let's go. 355 00:14:07,079 --> 00:14:08,547 Let's look at that. 356 00:14:08,547 --> 00:14:10,616 The ripple and the pond, that little, 357 00:14:10,616 --> 00:14:12,117 that little rock in the water. 358 00:14:12,117 --> 00:14:14,253 And now look at where it's going. 359 00:14:14,253 --> 00:14:15,621 You don't know who's going to hear this 360 00:14:15,621 --> 00:14:15,955 and who's 361 00:14:15,955 --> 00:14:18,958 going to hear that story that you just shared. 362 00:14:19,892 --> 00:14:20,793 This is powerful. 363 00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:24,063 This is what keeps me alive and keeps me going. 364 00:14:24,396 --> 00:14:24,864 - Yeah. 365 00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,532 - You know? 366 00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:28,434 - So. Thank you. Well. 367 00:14:28,434 --> 00:14:31,437 Thank you. 368 00:14:31,437 --> 00:14:33,138 Was there anything in particular, 369 00:14:33,138 --> 00:14:36,442 Randy, that the bird said that really 370 00:14:37,276 --> 00:14:38,611 kind of talked you down? 371 00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:40,546 Or is it just that she just kept you 372 00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:41,847 on the phone so long? 373 00:14:41,847 --> 00:14:44,984 Yeah, because we know Burt can talk and have stories. 374 00:14:47,519 --> 00:14:50,522 - I think it was just, 375 00:14:51,156 --> 00:14:53,125 the fact that she answered 376 00:14:53,125 --> 00:14:56,028 and acknowledged me, I think, was all that I need. 377 00:14:56,028 --> 00:14:57,096 I think. 378 00:14:57,096 --> 00:15:00,099 - Just just think if she hadn't answered the phone. 379 00:15:00,332 --> 00:15:01,600 - I was ready to go. 380 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:03,102 I was ready to go. 381 00:15:03,102 --> 00:15:03,802 I was done. 382 00:15:03,802 --> 00:15:04,803 I was ready to go. 383 00:15:04,803 --> 00:15:07,506 - And why her? 384 00:15:07,506 --> 00:15:10,743 [Laughs] 385 00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:13,846 - Partly because we really had a strong connection. 386 00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:17,216 We were the overnight morning shift for, 387 00:15:17,216 --> 00:15:20,019 what, almost five, seven years, a long time. 388 00:15:20,019 --> 00:15:21,153 And, you know, 389 00:15:21,153 --> 00:15:22,021 when you, 390 00:15:22,021 --> 00:15:23,822 when you're in news and you know, 391 00:15:23,822 --> 00:15:26,558 you have a live shot at six and six 392 00:15:26,558 --> 00:15:28,560 and, and seven, seven, 30 and eight, 393 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:31,463 there's a lot of talking that happens in between. 394 00:15:31,463 --> 00:15:31,797 You know, 395 00:15:31,797 --> 00:15:34,800 I think you probably already started your recovery 396 00:15:35,334 --> 00:15:36,435 around that time. 397 00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:39,872 So I, I kind of knew that you, 398 00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:46,645 You had walked through the fire in some way. 399 00:15:46,645 --> 00:15:50,549 And so I felt like, okay, if and if there's anyone 400 00:15:50,549 --> 00:15:52,751 who can understand me, it might be Bert. 401 00:15:52,751 --> 00:15:54,420 And and so I tried Bert. 402 00:15:54,420 --> 00:15:56,622 And, you know, you weren't even in my speed dial. 403 00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:59,625 I had to, like, search for your name! 404 00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:03,062 -Geez! 405 00:16:03,062 --> 00:16:04,096 - It was... 406 00:16:04,096 --> 00:16:05,965 - Was she the only one you called? 407 00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:06,865 - She the only one I called. 408 00:16:06,865 --> 00:16:07,967 - Oh, my God. 409 00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:10,069 The only one I called. 410 00:16:10,069 --> 00:16:10,602 Yeah. 411 00:16:10,602 --> 00:16:10,970 And, you know, 412 00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:12,871 I was in a relationship in the time, 413 00:16:12,871 --> 00:16:15,874 like I was divorced, but I was in a relationship. 414 00:16:16,175 --> 00:16:17,943 Didn't even think about, my kids, 415 00:16:17,943 --> 00:16:20,946 It was, you know, it was... 416 00:16:21,613 --> 00:16:24,083 My circle was very, very small. 417 00:16:24,083 --> 00:16:25,484 I didn't know 418 00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:26,986 anyone to reach out, and nor did 419 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,387 I have the tools, you know, 420 00:16:28,387 --> 00:16:30,122 like we were talking about, you know, to, 421 00:16:31,256 --> 00:16:32,891 say I am 422 00:16:32,891 --> 00:16:35,661 hurting in a really bad way. 423 00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:38,364 - You know, I get into the stigma. 424 00:16:38,364 --> 00:16:40,933 I'm very open about my alcoholism again, 425 00:16:40,933 --> 00:16:43,569 if we're not talking about it, 426 00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:44,536 if we're not talking about 427 00:16:44,536 --> 00:16:46,105 this is what recovery looks like. 428 00:16:46,105 --> 00:16:48,107 This is island alcoholic. 429 00:16:48,107 --> 00:16:49,341 If we don't start talking about it, 430 00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:51,210 first of all, we're losing the generation. 431 00:16:51,210 --> 00:16:53,579 And trust me, in my day, there was no such thing 432 00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:56,682 as fentanyl or the THC in the levels of marijuana 433 00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:58,751 right now. Unbelievable. 434 00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:00,019 So if we're not talking about this, 435 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:02,287 we're never going to be able to get well. 436 00:17:02,287 --> 00:17:04,923 And alcohol wasn’t my problem? 437 00:17:04,923 --> 00:17:07,426 My head was my problem. 438 00:17:07,426 --> 00:17:10,529 My depression and anxiety and and low 439 00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:11,930 self-esteem were my problem. 440 00:17:11,930 --> 00:17:13,165 Alcohol was my symptom. 441 00:17:13,165 --> 00:17:13,999 And also the only thing 442 00:17:13,999 --> 00:17:16,602 that I could use to self-medicate. 443 00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:17,503 And I had to learn that. 444 00:17:17,503 --> 00:17:19,171 I had to learn that it took me a long time. 445 00:17:19,171 --> 00:17:20,305 And again, the shame and stigma 446 00:17:20,305 --> 00:17:21,673 of being a woman, a woman of color. 447 00:17:21,673 --> 00:17:23,042 And then you're an alcoholic. 448 00:17:24,743 --> 00:17:28,380 So I let people know so that if they have to talk to. 449 00:17:28,447 --> 00:17:29,882 I'm here. I'm here to talk. 450 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:32,451 And I think the other key Enrique and I think, Randy, 451 00:17:32,451 --> 00:17:34,653 I think it's something that we're really 452 00:17:34,653 --> 00:17:37,056 good at, partly because of our business. 453 00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,223 I do, and I, I'm not. 454 00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:39,591 This isn't like, oh, humble brag, 455 00:17:39,591 --> 00:17:40,659 but we know how to listen. 456 00:17:40,659 --> 00:17:41,927 We do know how to listen. 457 00:17:41,927 --> 00:17:44,930 Yes, we're talkers, but we also know how to listen. 458 00:17:45,597 --> 00:17:48,600 And I don't think people listen very much. 459 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:51,603 - I think sometimes within some families, 460 00:17:54,273 --> 00:17:57,009 You know, conflict avoidance is big. 461 00:17:57,009 --> 00:18:00,212 And so you, 462 00:18:01,613 --> 00:18:03,615 you don't deal with those issues. 463 00:18:03,615 --> 00:18:06,819 So later in life you become kind of cold 464 00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:09,822 or you lack empathy. And, 465 00:18:10,289 --> 00:18:12,858 of course, being a Latino in my family, 466 00:18:12,858 --> 00:18:15,928 that was not the case at all, because, you know, 467 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:19,398 we were we wore our emotions on our sleeve. 468 00:18:19,398 --> 00:18:21,333 I mean, I do that, there's no doubt about it. 469 00:18:21,333 --> 00:18:24,970 I mean, I can be quite a quiet person as well. 470 00:18:24,970 --> 00:18:25,938 And I've had people say, 471 00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:27,473 oh, you're so quiet and all of this. 472 00:18:27,473 --> 00:18:29,174 I go, you don't know me. That one. Well, I, 473 00:18:30,175 --> 00:18:31,844 because, you know, I do. 474 00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:34,847 I do wear my emotions and, 475 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,916 but the thing about wanting to hide it is there. 476 00:18:37,916 --> 00:18:39,985 And I tell people that I'm a real pro 477 00:18:39,985 --> 00:18:42,287 at hiding the depression because I am. 478 00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:45,290 You know, I've learned how to do that. 479 00:18:45,691 --> 00:18:49,061 My son and my daughter in law, 480 00:18:49,428 --> 00:18:52,431 who have been worried about me, called 481 00:18:52,531 --> 00:18:55,501 and left messages and texted 482 00:18:55,501 --> 00:18:58,670 and I didn't pick up, which is very odd for me. 483 00:18:58,871 --> 00:19:00,939 So I woke up at 1 p.m. 484 00:19:00,939 --> 00:19:03,942 to pounding and, 485 00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:06,211 so I thought it was somebody at the front door, 486 00:19:06,211 --> 00:19:07,546 opened the door, and nobody's there. 487 00:19:07,546 --> 00:19:09,648 I turn around, I looked through 488 00:19:09,648 --> 00:19:11,517 my living room window on my patio, 489 00:19:11,517 --> 00:19:13,152 and there's my son, 490 00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,988 and he's had been pounding on the window, 491 00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,022 and he was upset. 492 00:19:17,022 --> 00:19:19,591 And he's like, you know, what the hell? 493 00:19:19,591 --> 00:19:20,993 Why haven't you been answering? 494 00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:23,362 And, you know, we've been calling all morning. 495 00:19:23,362 --> 00:19:26,365 And he was pretty upset with me. 496 00:19:26,565 --> 00:19:29,134 And then I sat him down and he knew 497 00:19:29,134 --> 00:19:30,068 I'd been struggling. 498 00:19:30,068 --> 00:19:31,403 And so we talk more about it 499 00:19:31,403 --> 00:19:33,505 than I realize through this, 500 00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:36,508 how many good friends I have, but also how 501 00:19:37,042 --> 00:19:40,045 my son and his wife have just, 502 00:19:40,212 --> 00:19:42,381 you know, been there for me too. 503 00:19:42,381 --> 00:19:44,416 And that that is a pretty special thing. 504 00:19:44,416 --> 00:19:47,419 So when you think and you're so low, 505 00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:49,988 you got to remember that, 506 00:19:49,988 --> 00:19:52,591 that who you would hurt if you took your life. 507 00:19:52,591 --> 00:19:54,826 My sister would really be pissed at me. 508 00:19:55,994 --> 00:19:57,696 And and 509 00:19:57,696 --> 00:20:00,699 then I have three grandkids, 510 00:20:00,732 --> 00:20:03,869 you know, twins, almost two year old twins 511 00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:06,138 and, four year old. 512 00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:09,241 I can't do that because I got them. 513 00:20:09,841 --> 00:20:12,344 And and every time I think or am low, 514 00:20:12,344 --> 00:20:15,480 I got a I got to think about it. 515 00:20:16,014 --> 00:20:18,116 - Enrique, how did you get help? 516 00:20:18,116 --> 00:20:19,518 And, Randy, how did you get help? 517 00:20:19,518 --> 00:20:19,885 I think that, 518 00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:20,052 you know, 519 00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:20,586 we always talk 520 00:20:20,586 --> 00:20:23,589 about the problem, but then what's the next step? 521 00:20:23,789 --> 00:20:26,358 - I was looking for answers because I'd wake up 522 00:20:26,358 --> 00:20:29,361 every morning at that time hoping, you know, 523 00:20:29,461 --> 00:20:32,965 instead of this dark cloud, I'd hope there be sunshine. 524 00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,601 And, you know, it wasn't happening. 525 00:20:35,601 --> 00:20:36,768 Of course, I was impatient because 526 00:20:36,768 --> 00:20:38,136 I wanted it to happen right away. 527 00:20:38,136 --> 00:20:41,073 And that isn't the case. It takes time with this. 528 00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:42,874 Sometimes, you know, you're lucky 529 00:20:42,874 --> 00:20:45,477 if you get a medication that pops you right away. 530 00:20:45,477 --> 00:20:47,746 And none of that ever happened with me. 531 00:20:47,746 --> 00:20:49,848 It was always something that needed to happen. 532 00:20:49,848 --> 00:20:52,851 I actually had a breakdown and then in with that, 533 00:20:52,951 --> 00:20:54,786 I found medication that helped me. 534 00:20:54,786 --> 00:20:56,855 I think anytime you go to therapy, 535 00:20:56,855 --> 00:20:59,858 if you're looking for a quick fix, 536 00:21:00,459 --> 00:21:01,893 you're in the wrong place 537 00:21:01,893 --> 00:21:04,429 because all of us have to unpack our issues. 538 00:21:04,429 --> 00:21:07,165 I mean, I got to I have therapy once a week 539 00:21:07,165 --> 00:21:10,102 and sometimes twice because I need it. 540 00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:13,605 So I well, the biggest thing that started 541 00:21:13,605 --> 00:21:15,407 listening to my doctors 542 00:21:15,407 --> 00:21:17,075 instead of ignoring them, 543 00:21:17,075 --> 00:21:19,811 and which we tend to do, and particularly men 544 00:21:19,811 --> 00:21:23,682 tend to do and but it's tougher now, 545 00:21:23,682 --> 00:21:24,750 I think, because even to get 546 00:21:24,750 --> 00:21:27,753 doctors appointments, at times it's more difficult. 547 00:21:27,753 --> 00:21:31,923 So it's a combination, I think, of, of someone's, 548 00:21:34,259 --> 00:21:36,862 motivation, 549 00:21:36,862 --> 00:21:38,263 but also maybe like 550 00:21:38,263 --> 00:21:42,200 friends like this saying, hey, you know, 551 00:21:42,534 --> 00:21:43,402 you don't look good 552 00:21:43,402 --> 00:21:45,671 or what's going on and talking and, 553 00:21:45,671 --> 00:21:47,539 and making those connections 554 00:21:47,539 --> 00:21:48,874 because it's really true that having 555 00:21:48,874 --> 00:21:51,877 those friendships really work. But, 556 00:21:52,177 --> 00:21:53,912 I don't think there's any one quick fix 557 00:21:53,912 --> 00:21:56,882 on this whole thing, Randy, you? 558 00:21:57,182 --> 00:22:00,152 Know, you know, to circle back to, Burt's, 559 00:22:01,053 --> 00:22:02,421 prompt, um, 560 00:22:02,421 --> 00:22:05,424 I was actually already in therapy, 561 00:22:06,024 --> 00:22:09,027 but the process of un peeling the onion, 562 00:22:10,495 --> 00:22:13,498 actually started, 563 00:22:13,799 --> 00:22:16,234 revealing a lot of things 564 00:22:16,234 --> 00:22:20,539 that I felt were irreparable. 565 00:22:21,239 --> 00:22:23,208 Right. It's not fixable. 566 00:22:23,208 --> 00:22:26,211 I can't move forward because of this stuff. 567 00:22:26,345 --> 00:22:30,048 And and that to when I hit my bottom. 568 00:22:30,048 --> 00:22:32,517 And, you know, you talk about going to therapy. Yes. 569 00:22:32,517 --> 00:22:34,319 But therapy is really important. 570 00:22:34,319 --> 00:22:36,555 But it's only as good as what you do give it. 571 00:22:36,555 --> 00:22:37,189 Yeah. Right. 572 00:22:37,189 --> 00:22:39,091 And in my, my first marriage, you know, 573 00:22:39,091 --> 00:22:40,992 I was having, in my first marriage. 574 00:22:40,992 --> 00:22:43,028 And so I went to a therapist 575 00:22:43,028 --> 00:22:46,531 and I just gave all surface levels about nothing. 576 00:22:46,865 --> 00:22:48,934 And so the therapist, because 577 00:22:48,934 --> 00:22:52,104 I think she was bored, but she goes, you're good, 578 00:22:52,471 --> 00:22:53,638 you're all fixed! And I'm like, 579 00:22:55,140 --> 00:22:56,408 okay. 580 00:22:56,408 --> 00:22:59,711 And I yeah, I'm great now, but really, I was like, 581 00:23:00,579 --> 00:23:01,313 who am I kidding? 582 00:23:01,313 --> 00:23:04,282 I was still a mess, you know? But, 583 00:23:05,217 --> 00:23:07,219 I think the key is that you have to go 584 00:23:07,219 --> 00:23:09,020 because you want to get better. 585 00:23:09,020 --> 00:23:12,691 And, you know, my wife, 586 00:23:12,791 --> 00:23:13,759 Maria and I have 587 00:23:13,759 --> 00:23:16,862 this kind of rollercoaster ride, and and, 588 00:23:17,129 --> 00:23:18,063 and one of the low point, 589 00:23:18,063 --> 00:23:20,098 she said, you know, you need to get some help. 590 00:23:20,098 --> 00:23:21,666 And, you know, the words 591 00:23:21,666 --> 00:23:23,802 that stuck with me were that “...I can't 592 00:23:23,802 --> 00:23:25,604 go with you on that journey,” 593 00:23:25,604 --> 00:23:28,140 you know, that that is then your journey 594 00:23:28,140 --> 00:23:29,708 and you need to figure things out. 595 00:23:29,708 --> 00:23:30,509 And I think 596 00:23:30,509 --> 00:23:32,444 for me, that was the real catalyst 597 00:23:32,444 --> 00:23:35,447 to actually take mental health. 598 00:23:35,947 --> 00:23:37,716 seriously. 599 00:23:37,716 --> 00:23:38,750 you know, because again, like I said, 600 00:23:38,750 --> 00:23:39,151 I see this 601 00:23:39,151 --> 00:23:41,353 like coasting , i’ll tell them 602 00:23:41,353 --> 00:23:42,521 what they think they want to hear. 603 00:23:42,521 --> 00:23:44,756 I tell them, I want them to hear 604 00:23:44,756 --> 00:23:46,491 you know what I think they want to hear 605 00:23:46,491 --> 00:23:51,029 and but not really give anything of myself 606 00:23:51,062 --> 00:23:52,597 that would make me, as you say Bert, 607 00:23:52,597 --> 00:23:55,267 feel vulnerable or feel scared 608 00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:56,935 or actually reveal the truth 609 00:23:56,935 --> 00:23:59,037 that I'm ashamed or something, you know? And, 610 00:24:01,139 --> 00:24:02,207 you know, it's not 611 00:24:02,207 --> 00:24:05,210 until you actually show up 612 00:24:06,044 --> 00:24:08,346 with some real honesty that, you know, 613 00:24:08,346 --> 00:24:10,081 you can make me progress 614 00:24:10,081 --> 00:24:12,184 until you're ready to to face it, 615 00:24:12,184 --> 00:24:13,652 you know, any sort of therapy, it's 616 00:24:13,652 --> 00:24:14,986 going to be pretty useless. 617 00:24:14,986 --> 00:24:16,021 - Yeah, I think 618 00:24:16,021 --> 00:24:19,024 I think that, you know, you really hit it because 619 00:24:19,691 --> 00:24:22,127 it's what you put into it that you're going 620 00:24:22,127 --> 00:24:23,361 to get out of it. 621 00:24:23,361 --> 00:24:26,631 And I did the same thing that you did 622 00:24:26,932 --> 00:24:28,500 when I first started going. 623 00:24:28,500 --> 00:24:31,503 I was not honest at all. 624 00:24:31,736 --> 00:24:34,773 I was like, you know, I always like, you know, 625 00:24:35,574 --> 00:24:37,476 I'm not going to tell you 626 00:24:37,476 --> 00:24:40,479 all about me and then I'm not going to do that. 627 00:24:40,946 --> 00:24:43,949 And I don't want to be in her very long, 628 00:24:43,982 --> 00:24:45,684 even though I needed the help, 629 00:24:45,684 --> 00:24:46,384 but it really is 630 00:24:46,384 --> 00:24:50,322 until you start to open up about yourself and admit 631 00:24:51,089 --> 00:24:54,092 you know, your shortcomings or the things that are 632 00:24:54,392 --> 00:24:56,127 that have happened to you 633 00:24:56,127 --> 00:24:58,663 that you're really embarrassed about, 634 00:24:58,663 --> 00:25:01,666 and so that you can kind of tackle this stuff 635 00:25:01,700 --> 00:25:04,436 because it's all tied together. 636 00:25:04,436 --> 00:25:06,638 Bert, what’s helped you? 637 00:25:06,638 --> 00:25:08,373 For sure going to treatment for alcoholism helped me 638 00:25:08,373 --> 00:25:10,275 because it taught me so much, 639 00:25:10,275 --> 00:25:12,511 and I wanted to touch on that just a bit, 640 00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:14,579 because you had mentioned it earlier Enrique, about 641 00:25:15,814 --> 00:25:18,083 about getting help like that, the depression 642 00:25:18,083 --> 00:25:20,151 that the stigma and the shame around it. 643 00:25:20,151 --> 00:25:22,387 If we had cancer, 644 00:25:22,387 --> 00:25:24,823 we would have had a team of doctors, 645 00:25:24,823 --> 00:25:27,392 I'd have had casseroles brought to my 646 00:25:27,392 --> 00:25:28,593 my home. 647 00:25:28,593 --> 00:25:30,996 Someone whould have been willing to take care of my kids. 648 00:25:30,996 --> 00:25:33,498 Not only did I get zero support, 649 00:25:33,498 --> 00:25:35,333 I had to find it myself. 650 00:25:35,333 --> 00:25:36,835 Was like, oh, you have depression. 651 00:25:36,835 --> 00:25:38,970 Well, you better go figure on your own. 652 00:25:38,970 --> 00:25:41,006 Well, but I'm depressed. 653 00:25:41,006 --> 00:25:42,374 - Yeah, - I can’t get out of bed! 654 00:25:42,374 --> 00:25:42,774 - Yeah. 655 00:25:42,774 --> 00:25:43,742 Now I’m supposed to 656 00:25:43,742 --> 00:25:46,945 go and look and and there's this their medication. 657 00:25:47,546 --> 00:25:48,847 Nobody's there to hold your hand, 658 00:25:48,847 --> 00:25:49,881 to walk you through the steps. 659 00:25:49,881 --> 00:25:52,617 So I there's sort of this two thing like, 660 00:25:52,617 --> 00:25:55,086 especially when Randy talked about you have to want it. 661 00:25:55,086 --> 00:25:57,122 That is true. 662 00:25:57,122 --> 00:25:57,822 You have to want it. 663 00:25:57,822 --> 00:25:59,958 But you also still need someone to hold your hand 664 00:25:59,958 --> 00:26:01,960 a little bit to help you do it. 665 00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:03,194 Like, who do I call? 666 00:26:03,194 --> 00:26:04,362 How do I get this going? 667 00:26:04,362 --> 00:26:06,965 Even like, if somebody's like, okay, what's your insurance like? 668 00:26:06,965 --> 00:26:08,867 I’m like, I’m out if I have to fill out insurance... 669 00:26:08,867 --> 00:26:11,002 And, you know, like, even that would have been like, 670 00:26:11,002 --> 00:26:12,871 I have to fill out insurance. 671 00:26:12,871 --> 00:26:13,838 That would overwhelm me. 672 00:26:13,838 --> 00:26:16,107 And especially if I'm depressed 673 00:26:16,107 --> 00:26:18,510 or alcoholic, I don't know how to do this. 674 00:26:18,510 --> 00:26:21,246 So I really think it's important that 675 00:26:21,246 --> 00:26:22,647 we can help each other 676 00:26:22,647 --> 00:26:25,483 or go to a person that can help you navigate 677 00:26:25,483 --> 00:26:26,418 so that you can get through it. 678 00:26:26,418 --> 00:26:28,486 Now we talking about those steps 679 00:26:28,486 --> 00:26:30,622 like, okay, I need help. Okay. Now what? 680 00:26:30,622 --> 00:26:32,324 So it's just really a lot out there 681 00:26:32,324 --> 00:26:34,793 for people to navigate while they're sick. 682 00:26:34,793 --> 00:26:35,727 - Right? Right. 683 00:26:35,727 --> 00:26:39,030 For you know, I feel very fortunate I have Medicare. 684 00:26:39,497 --> 00:26:41,066 - Yeah. I'm not going to lie to you. 685 00:26:41,066 --> 00:26:42,033 When you said that you were going 686 00:26:42,033 --> 00:26:44,135 once or twice a week, I'm like, oh, 687 00:26:44,135 --> 00:26:47,305 Enrique is rich! [Laughs] I can’t afford that! 688 00:26:47,339 --> 00:26:49,040 - No, no, no! 689 00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:50,942 - Honestly but that's where it comes to us. 690 00:26:50,942 --> 00:26:51,910 That's, you know, like like, well, 691 00:26:51,910 --> 00:26:53,111 I can't afford it, so I'm not going to 692 00:26:53,111 --> 00:26:54,779 go to treatment either or therapy. 693 00:26:54,779 --> 00:26:57,148 I mean, there's a lot of barriers, but there is help. 694 00:26:57,148 --> 00:26:58,883 There's, you know, there are ways to do it 695 00:26:58,883 --> 00:27:00,518 if you're willing to at least try. 696 00:27:00,518 --> 00:27:01,653 And it's I guess that's what I'd say. 697 00:27:01,653 --> 00:27:03,288 And also there's two steps. 698 00:27:03,288 --> 00:27:05,790 When you ask for help, there are two steps. 699 00:27:05,790 --> 00:27:07,325 You have to ask for help. 700 00:27:07,325 --> 00:27:10,061 And then there's a very the most important part is 701 00:27:10,061 --> 00:27:12,831 you have to accept the help. 702 00:27:12,831 --> 00:27:13,798 [Laughs] 703 00:27:13,798 --> 00:27:15,900 Now you have to be a participant in it. 704 00:27:15,900 --> 00:27:17,202 I can't fix it for you. 705 00:27:17,202 --> 00:27:18,903 You now have to accept it and you now 706 00:27:18,903 --> 00:27:20,405 have to do the work. 707 00:27:20,405 --> 00:27:22,207 Oh, that was the other thing I was going to say. 708 00:27:22,207 --> 00:27:23,942 I felt like I was hanging off the edge of a cliff. 709 00:27:23,942 --> 00:27:26,511 I'm just hanging there, me hanging there. 710 00:27:26,511 --> 00:27:28,513 And if I let go, if I stop drinking, 711 00:27:28,513 --> 00:27:30,682 if I let go, I'm going to fall forever. 712 00:27:30,682 --> 00:27:33,685 And then I'm going to smash into a million pieces. 713 00:27:33,718 --> 00:27:36,121 I oh, I'm so tired and I'm hanging. 714 00:27:36,121 --> 00:27:37,689 And I finally let go. 715 00:27:39,090 --> 00:27:41,626 And I dropped an inch. 716 00:27:41,626 --> 00:27:43,828 And then I looked around and there's Enrique 717 00:27:43,828 --> 00:27:44,996 and there's Randy. 718 00:27:44,996 --> 00:27:46,798 But what I built in my head of what 719 00:27:46,798 --> 00:27:49,634 what the help was going to be was so much worse 720 00:27:49,634 --> 00:27:51,936 and so much scarier than what it really is. 721 00:27:51,936 --> 00:27:52,170 - Okay. 722 00:27:52,170 --> 00:27:53,371 I just want you to to know 723 00:27:53,371 --> 00:27:56,374 that you're on my speed dial. 724 00:27:57,142 --> 00:27:58,443 - For enchiladas, I hope. [Laughs] 725 00:27:58,443 --> 00:28:00,979 There you. Go. Yeah, that'll be afterwards. Yeah. 726 00:28:00,979 --> 00:28:02,347 So we'll do that. 727 00:28:02,347 --> 00:28:04,082 Hey, listen, I want to thank you guys 728 00:28:04,082 --> 00:28:06,484 for opening up and just talking about this. 729 00:28:06,484 --> 00:28:07,786 And I, 730 00:28:07,786 --> 00:28:08,153 I'd like 731 00:28:08,153 --> 00:28:10,288 to have more conversations because I think 732 00:28:10,288 --> 00:28:12,123 it's important. 733 00:28:12,123 --> 00:28:15,126 And particularly, I think for our communities, 734 00:28:15,393 --> 00:28:16,728 to see 735 00:28:16,728 --> 00:28:18,630 and hopefully hear our stories 736 00:28:18,630 --> 00:28:18,930 and to 737 00:28:18,930 --> 00:28:22,634 realize you're not alone and that if you need help 738 00:28:23,268 --> 00:28:25,370 that, you know, reach out. 739 00:28:27,205 --> 00:28:28,640 It's it's not easy. 740 00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:31,643 It's hard. But, 741 00:28:31,643 --> 00:28:33,812 you know. Yeah. 742 00:28:33,812 --> 00:28:35,880 If if we hopefully, 743 00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:39,751 in talking about this can maybe inspire 744 00:28:39,751 --> 00:28:42,721 or motivate others to say, hey, 745 00:28:43,321 --> 00:28:45,790 I need some help, or 746 00:28:45,790 --> 00:28:48,293 I'm here to help you, I'm here to listen. 747 00:28:48,293 --> 00:28:50,995 I hope we can just do a little bit of that. 748 00:28:50,995 --> 00:28:53,932 And so let's make sure you make sure we do that. 749 00:28:53,932 --> 00:28:57,435 So Bert, send me any links to folks that you, 750 00:28:58,069 --> 00:28:59,771 think we need to connect to. Randy? 751 00:28:59,771 --> 00:29:01,306 You too, if you have any. 752 00:29:01,306 --> 00:29:03,775 And, again, I just want to thank you guys. 753 00:29:03,775 --> 00:29:06,511 And, Randy, I, you know, you're my bro 754 00:29:06,511 --> 00:29:07,612 because, thank you 755 00:29:07,612 --> 00:29:10,648 for being there for me and, Bert, you know, same thing. 756 00:29:10,915 --> 00:29:13,551 You're not my bro, but you're my hermana. 757 00:29:13,551 --> 00:29:14,319 - Yeah. - All right. 758 00:29:14,319 --> 00:29:17,589 - Trying to do baby heart. 759 00:29:17,589 --> 00:29:19,290 All right, guys, thank you so much. 760 00:29:19,290 --> 00:29:26,798 [♪♪]